You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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