so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
