I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
