I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
