One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
