Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
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I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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