Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
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