why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
