you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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