I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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