she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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