Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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