I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
I think I just shit out all my problems.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize
