So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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