Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Randomize
