We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
