That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize