forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
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