naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
