Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
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