My nipple is on Facebook.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
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So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
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When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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