you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
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You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
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You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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