I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
