We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
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it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
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just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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