So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
25 Cringeworthy Below the Pants Injuries
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.