i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
These 29 Nasty People Went To The Bathroom In Public
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.