OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships