This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
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This show inspires me to have sex in space
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
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So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee