I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.