Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.