im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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