There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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