I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
