When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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