Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Randomize
