Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
