So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
