I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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