Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
