He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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