Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
