I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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