how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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