i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
