Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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