you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
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