I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
