great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
