He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
