Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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