You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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