i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Randomize
