I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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