alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
last night I used snow as a chaser
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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