My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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