i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
