I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
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He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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