what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
