remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
