I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
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