How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
This baby is an asshole
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
