I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
