someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
