Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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