my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
