Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
