Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
