And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
