dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Randomize
