Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize