This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
