If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
