It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
