what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
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She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
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He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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