You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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