I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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